im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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