your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
