I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
