Old men and throwing up are my life now.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
