I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Even my vagina gasped.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
