I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
