it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
