My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
