were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
