can we get nightvision for the apartment?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
