I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
