You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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