He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
