She is in my trunk
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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