I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
