Got a toothbrush?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
