Someone shit on the floor
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
