As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
