girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
