who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is wine microwaveable?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
