but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
