I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
