maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
