you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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