I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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