Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
