The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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