ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
