She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Blood and glitter go together right?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
