There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
