I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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