tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
