Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
