So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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