So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
