My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
