I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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