bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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