did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
