How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
