God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
