they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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