My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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