Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
