So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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