I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
