I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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