READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
