I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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