My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
