i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
