Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
