Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
