she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
