we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I got inside last night via doggy door
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
